My Withering Heart
by FriendofFoes
Summary: Charlie finally did what any parent would do when your child's gone crazy. Although, he was foolish for thinking it would help any.
1. Healing Sessions

A/N: Hey all! I'm back!! Dodges chairs and pitchforks Ok! I have good reasoning. A family member of mine was diagnosed with Autism and my family has been going outta control. So, everything is on hold. Well, except this. This I jsut wrote thanks to wisdom tooth surgery and a new laptop.

Ok, laydown on this story: I have not found a good story like this!! Yes, I have found a few, but Bella ends up being raped or abused or SOMETHING! So, I'm stopping that.

Disclaimer: I do not own _Twilight._ Unfortunally. --

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_Nurse to room 24… Repeat. Nurse to room four_

A woman's voice blared over the loudspeaker, breaking the otherwise deafing calmness and tranquility of the hallway. There were no people down the hallway, unless you counted me and my attendant, and we really didn't matter. Well, the nurse mattered. She was one of their top workers. No one who had her as an attendant didn't get better.

Except me.

I glance around my surrounding only to given the same vision I've seen for almost a year. White washed walls, plain tile ceiling, and a small area for nurses to sit at a grab records of the patients here. If that wasn't enough, the nausing smell of bleach and disinfectants flooded the area, making me want to gag in response.

A sound of a nurse walking down the hall actually startled me. Many nurses were at the main section of the building, eating lunch and having a prep talk. During that time, I would have my check-up, which I was currently waiting for. I honestly had no idea why anyone would try to heal me…

Apparently, Charlie thought they could…

That's why he had Renee bring me here…

Washington State Mental Ward.

That's right, an asylum.

They thought it would be better if I had someone to talk to, to try and start my healing process. Sadly, they forgot to factor in one major factor.

That I loved him. Nothing could change the fact that I loved him. Even if he didn't love me – heck, even if he didn't want me! - I loved him.

No amount of therapy could break that truth.

I was down to using pronouns. Even thinking his name burned my soul and split my heart even more.

I turn to my left to look at my attendant, Susan, a tanned woman who looks to be in her high 20's, with a blond bob-cut and gorgeous sea blue eyes. I asked her before how long she had worked her. Her answered proved that she was much older than the age she looked.

I sighed and curled my legs under me, resting my head on the long cotton gown that was stationary in the hospital. Once in a great while, we would be able to wear some jeans and a t-shirt, but that was when we had an outside therapy which always included a policeman, one of the head doctors, and two nurses. Even then, we could only walk to the back of the hospital which was guarded by a mile high fence.

I suddenly heard a screeching door open and whipped my head around to see Dr. McKinley, a burly man with dirty blond hair and soft grey eyes.

_Why him? _I started hyperventilating in my head, _God, please no, let it not be him._

"Hello, Miss Swan," His smooth voice said, "Looks like I'll be seeing you today."

My eyes widened, "What about Dr. Sarah?" I asked, panic rising in my voice.

He shrugged, "She took a holiday. She should be back in a week, before your next session."

_No, no, no! _I chanted in my head as Susan grabbed my upper arm and led me to the room. Apparently, he was using Dr. Sarah's office and no one had given me any notice. Not that anything was wrong with Dr. McKinley. It's just, they way he tried to heal me…

Kills my heart instead.

"Please, sit." He said, taking a seat in front of the oak desk. I followed suit, pushing my body against the back of the chair. "So, how are you feeling this morning?"

I nodded, feeling the sweat dripping down my neck.

"That's good," He smiled, then reached over and took a sip out of his mug, coffee no doubt. "So, let's go over this again. What supposedly happened… a year ago?" He leaned over the desk and stared at me.

I gulped, "I don't like to talk about it." I say, my voice shaking.

He nodded, "Did you spend it with friends? Or your family?" He trailed off.

"My friends," I replied, "My boyfriend and his family."

"Ahh!" He said, looking pleased with himself, "Your boyfriend. A Mr. Edward Cullen?"

My breath quicken as I nodded.

"So, let's say you did spend your birthday with him." He stood up and walked around the desk over to me, "Where is he now? Not currently living in Forks. Nor does his name or age appear in a search."

I felt sweat dripping down my back, "His dad got a job offer in Los Angeles." I stuttered.

He grinned, "But there are no records of a Mr. Cullen working at any hospital in Southern California."

My arms, which were currently in my lap, now wrapped themselves around my thin frame, trying to keep myself from hurting anymore.

He knelt down to my ear and whispered, "There is no Edward Cullen. You just made him up, an illusion you wanted to prove you weren't crazy. You just wanted someone to love when no one did… and when you finally realized it, you broke down. Face it, there is no Edward Cull-"

"You're wrong." I spoke, my voice trembling, "He's real."

I heard him chuckle, "No, I'm not… and you know that."

I shook my head frantically, "You're wrong, you're wrong, you're wrong…" _Please, don't let me snap…_

He stood up next to me and said, "He never existed…"

My eyes shot open. I'd lost it.

I jumped to my feet. "YOU'RE WRONG!!" I screamed, right in his face. "He did exist! I remember! He thought I wasn't good enough. I wasn't perfect like him." He back away from and into his chair, but that didn't stop me. "He is alive! He does exist! I know he's alive! And I did not MAKE HIM UP!!"

Apparently, I was too loud, or Dr McKinley had a button under the desk, because all of a sudden, two guards came in, accompanied by a nurse. Both guards grabbed me by the upper arms while the nurse, who I just noticed had a needle in her hand, came near me.

"No!" I yelled, "Please, no."

But my cries were not enough. The woman quickly cleaned a part of my arm and stuck the needle in me, injecting me with a sedative. The guards led me to the chair I was once in and sat me down.

"Please, no." My words were now just an echo in the room as the doctor said something to the nurse. One of the words sounded like, "Hazardous."

I knew they were talking about me.

I closed my eyes and prayed that my dreams would be good for once.

I already knew they weren't.


	2. Hurtful Memories

A/N: Like I said, I've been in bed, healing from surgery. So, here's another chapter. Smaller, but, hey, It's a filler for the most part. Probably next chapter... Yeah, I'll make it Edward. Not sure where this is gonna go... but HEY! Anythings possible.

Damn Narcotics...

Disclaimer: I don't own _Twilight. _K?

* * *

The moonlight filtered inside my small room. The only piece of heaven I was going to get. Or hell. Couldn't tell.

Right after that session with Dr. McKinely, I had those nightmares again. The ones that sent that my heart into splinters.

Of course, Edward was in it. He would be standing there, in all his perfection, right at the edge of the forest. Just like before. He would take my hands in his and tell me that I was no good for him. Then, he would kiss me on the forehead and say take care of yourself. Then he would leave me. And I would run after him. Just like before. Only this time…

I was never found.

I always woke up in a sweat, my breathing labored. I hated myself. I was going to kill myself if I didn't calm down…

… But would that be so bad.

I sighed then turned my attention back to the moon, staring at how big and gorgeous it was.

It was times like these I wish I could remember the good times. The times before I was considered a lunatic. The good times…

With Edward.

I flinched. Even the thought of his name still sent my heart into shards.

I looked around at my surrounding. It was the same view I had been seeing for exactly one year. The white washed walls, the small window at the top of the wall, the bars position right in front of them – all of them I've seen for one year.

I closed my eyes and remember that fateful day…

It was probably one of the biggest fights that I'd ever had. Charlie had come in to my room as I was staring at the ceiling. He told me to get up, that Renee was coming for me. I had yelled at him, told him that I was staying as I rolled over on my bed. Then I heard one of my dresser drawers open and I jumped up.

"NO!" I had yelled, grabbing the clothes out of his hands and throwing them around the room, "I'm staying!"

I watched through vacant eyes as the memory kept replaying in my mind. Renee and Phil had run into my room as soon as they arrived in Forks and told me to get ready. I said no again, and, this time, both Phil and Charlie had restrained me. I thrashed around in their grip as they led me downstairs and into the back of the cruiser.

I kept screaming as Renee and Phil sat next to me in the cruiser, thrashing around as tears streamed down my face. I kept screaming, "Why?!" at them, but they never answered. The entire 

time, Charlie kept looking ahead, never once looking back at me, and never once looking in the rear view mirror. I guess this was hard on him as well.

When we reached the front of the hospital, I had lost almost all my energy. I still occasionally tried to thrash out of my parent's grips, and I still had tears running down my cheeks. A woman walked up to the cruiser and whispered something to Charlie. A door opened next to me and Phil dragged me out. Renee followed him out and they both led me to the front door. I vaguely remember feeling rain on my shoulders, but I pushed it out of my mind as we entered the front door.

A nicely decorated front desk along with a couple pictures of whom I could not make out. There were a few people sitting on a couple couches by the left side of the room. I tried to make out the faces but I was distracted by another voice.

"Isabella Swan," a southern voice asked. I turned around to see a petite lady in a white nurse's uniform. I wasn't sick, so why was I here?

"Welcome to your new home for a while." She flashed a smile, "I'm Kelly, the head nurse."

My eyes opened in understanding as two burly men walked near me.

I screamed at the top of my lungs, "Mom! Dad! No!!" I turned to run, but the guards held me back. The tears came back in a flood as I watched Charlie and Phil walk away with Renee in between them.

Renee. Charlie. Phil. I hadn't seen them in months. They had tried to visit, but every time I was hysterical that the doctors said that it would be better for them not to come.

I stared back outside of my window and sat up in bed, looking out at the moon. Twilight.

It was times like this I wondered how he was. Was he happy? Was his family? Did he find someone else? Another Distraction? I wish I could find him and tell him that he was a liar. That I wasn't distracted, like he told me I would be.

I kept looking up at the sky and was amazed when I saw a comet streak by. I quickly closed my eyes and made a wish.

"I wish," I heatedly whispered, "That wherever he is that he is happy." I smiled for the first time in months as tears rolled down my face.

* * *

Ok, well there you go. Enjoy. Next chapter uploading... after I get a nap. -

FoF


	3. Coming Home E PoV

A/N: What is this?! Two chapters in one day!? How absurded!! Well, nap time is over and I was bored. Only two more hours before I can take another painkiller... And yes, this is E PoV. I said he was next...

I hate pain... --

Disclaimer: I've told you already!! NOW STOP BOTHERING ME!! AHHHHH!!

* * *

(Edward's PoV)

The sound of tires stopping vaguely rung in my ears. I was too dumbfounded and heartbroken. Dumbfounded because Emmett - the one person who I never thought would be able to track! - tracked me down and forced me to come back. Heartbroked because I was away… from her. My angel. My only true reason for living. Sure I had Esme and Carlisle, and, of course, my siblings, but everything ceased to mean anything without her in my life.

Bella.

Even now my heart, cold and dead, lurched in pain. She had let me leave so easily, so easily believe that I didn't love her, that just the mere memory of her face sent shivers down my being.

I missed her.

_But she doesn't need me anymore, _My mind said, _She never loved me like I loved, no, like I'll always love her. _I always knew that. My mind tortured me with images of her with a man, someone like Mike Newton, enjoying the life she could never have with me, the physical relationship I could never had with her.

My fists balled up, my anger about to explode.

_Edward, are you alright?_

I looked over to the passenger window to see Alice opening the car door, her face contorted into one of agony. _Edward, are you sure this was for the best? I've been doubting your decision before but even I couldn't stand that car ride from the Airport._

"Yes, Alice." I nearly growled as I pushed her out of the way and walked out of the car. Alice followed right behind me.

"Edward," She said, "Please! You look terrible! No one should suffer like this!" She grabbed my arm.

"You're wrong." I whispered, "I should suffer. I'm a monster." Before she could say anything else, I ran up to the front door and nearly ripped it off the hinges.

I saw Esme and Carlisle standing at the stairways, but that was just minor to what I really saw.

The house. Just looking at it put pressure on my heart. It was so similar, this new house to the old house. Where she and I…

I shook my head, trying to clear my head of those deadly thoughts.

"How are you, Edward?" Carlisle asked, wrapping his arm around Esme. I flinched.

He looked confused for a second before realizing. _Sorry_, he thought as he let go of Esme and held her hand instead.

"I am well, Carlisle." I replied, my voice cracking. "Although, I would like to go to my room, if you don't mind."

As soon as Carlisle nodded, I ran up the stairs up to what was I guessed my room – it was fairly obvious as this house was almost a perfect mimic to the old on-, locked the door and curled up in the smallest corner I could find. My eyes shut as my family tried to reach through to me, using their thought to try and convince me to come out. They tried using what they thought were good memories to lure me out. All it was doing was breaking my heart.

Emmett kept thing about wrestling, how we needed a rematch and that nothing was going to stop him. Esme's thoughts were comparing Forks to this new land. I didn't even bother to find out where I was. All I knew is it's wasn't Forks. Jasper was consciously avoiding my room, from what his thought said. I must be depressing him, what with him feeling my emotions.

Everyone else's thoughts were close to Alice, remembering the good time we had with Bella, even though no one except me actually said good bye. Only Rosalie thought were different, which didn't surprise me. She was glad we left. She rather be anywhere than Forks. From her mind she was just waiting till I left so she and Emmett could go on a second honeymoon.

I didn't listen to their thoughts. Instead, I curled up even tighter in my cornet, keeping myself fully from the light. All I wanted to do was punish myself. Punish myself for not being good enough. For not being what Bella needed. For not proving to her how much I loved her. And for lying to her, telling her that I didn't want her to come with me. If I had any chance of heaven, I had shot them down in that instant. Because lying to her was the worse mistake I have ever made in my existence.

One that I will never be able to rectify…

Ok, yeah, this seems like it was a filler, but you will need to know this a little later... and I didn't want to wait... cause I was bored... and in pain...

Lord, let me get some sleep...

FoF


	4. Memories & Resolutions

A/N: Hey all! I'm feeling much better. I did get a little more sleep to those who asked (Or yelled at me XD) Anyway, this chapter is a little longer. And now the story is starting to get some more body. And I have an idea of where I'm going with this now... so, yeah... it's going to be easy after this.

Damn Meds...

Disclaimer: I don't own this book. I'm just a crazed author on heavy pain medication.

* * *

I woke with a start.

I was breathing heavily, sweat was pouring down my body. I took a quick inventory of my room. I was still at the ward. I was still considered a maniac.

The nightmare, or what was hopefully a nightmare, was utterly heart wrenching. So what else was new? None of my dreams were ever happy anymore.

So, why did this one terrify me above them all?

Because it was of Edward. About his plans he told me some lifetime ago, about what would happen if I had died.

I had never met the Volturi, and frankly, I really don't think that it's on my top ten lists of things to do before I died. It would probably be on the list of things to do _**to **_die. But that's not what scared me.

It was seeing him die.

The closest reference I had was when I had seen the picture of Carlisle in Italy standing with the leaders of the Volturi. Apparently, just seeing them gave me enough terror to visualize them. I watched as they tore him apart, limb by limb. I imagined his face, contorted in agonizing pain, and felt my heart burn in a new way entirely. Then, I watched as his face relaxed and his eyes closed, looking as if he was in a perfect slumber. Finally, as the fires consumed the face, I saw a figure turn towards me, with blood red eyes.

How much anguish can a heart take before it dies?

The door opened and Susan walked in. "Is everything alright in here?" She asked, taking a quick look around the room before looking at me.

I tried to compose myself as best as I could before I answered, "Yes." It sounded stiff.

Susan glanced around the room once more before she shook her head, "It's time for breakfast." She said.

We went through the morning routine. We left my room and walked to the bathroom where I washed up under the supervision of our nurse. There were no bathrooms in our rooms, due to the fact that a girl tried to drown herself in her toilet, and we were never alone with other patients.

I hurried through the morning routine and was able to grab some warm food before everyone else. I quickly sat down at a table and, after she made sure I was alright, Susan left for the nurse's station.

"Hey, B" a voice called out, I turned to see another one of the patients, a girl by the name of Beth, sit next to me, "Heard you had McKinley yesterday. Did ya punch him?" She sat next to me, as close as they would allow us, about a foot.

"No," I responded, looking down toward the meal. I was amazed. Was its someone's birthday? It wasn't often they served eggs. Usually oatmeal. Plain oatmeal. If you were lucky, they had spices.

I watched as Beth's nurse, Kathy, turn around and walk away. Quickly, Beth ties up her long black hair and twisted it into a bun with no hair tie. "Bummer," I heard her mumble as she grabbed her fork and shoveled a mouthful of eggs in.

I followed suit, taking a few pieces of egg and placing them in my mouth. It felt good to have something of substance go into my stomach.

"Hey you two." I heard a clamor of a tray in front of me and my head shot up. "Did ya hear? Butch got him in solitary confinement." A tall, blond haired girl with a bob-cut looked at me. It was Kelly.

I shuttered.

Beth shot up. "Are you joking? What happened?" She said, eyes widening.

Kelly looked around at her nurse who was glaring at her. All Kelly did was stick out her tongue. Her nurse walked away quietly, looking like some diva who had just been shown up.

"I hate that brat. When I get Linda back, I'll be happy. I'll take her over Courtney any day." She said, and then leaned in, "I heard he tried to hang himself."

My eyes widened.

Beth must have too because Kelly started laughing, "You two look like deer caught in the middle of the road."

Beth's voice went down to a whisper, "Why?"

Kelly shrugged then lowered her voice, "I dunno. I asked him before when he came to me for the meds. I told him it would be a few days and he told he wanted it done yesterday. He must have been desperate."

We were all quiet for a bit, letting our eggs get cold.

Butch had been here for a little less then I had. Apparently, he had a bad anger management case that no therapist could help. It was no help that his fiancée ran off with another man and that his parents thought he was a lost cause. I truly felt sorry for the guy. I knew what he was feeling, but I was scared to do it. All of us were. Even Kelly was close. She once said the truest words I had ever heard in this prison.

"You want to die, but you're afraid. You want to die, but you're afraid of death itself."

Then she had joked about it being her reason for being here. She had depression, although you could never tell. Heavy medication hides a lot. The doctors don't want to let her go because they don't know how she'll act in the real world with the medication. Sometimes I heard her screaming in the night when I can't sleep. No one on the wing can.

But we know the real reason.

A few weeks after Kelly had come in and started her medication, a new person was found dead in the wing across from us. She apparently had an overdose of some medication, but they couldn't figure out what it was. They passed it off as a sever allergic reaction. And that night started the screaming.

Kelly was giving away some of her meds. She told me in a very subtle way that she had found holes in her room and hid some of her meds. I asked her why they didn't give her a shot instead. She smirked and told me that she has a thing about needles. We were similar.

"That's so sad." I whispered, staring blankly at my food.

"Yeah," Beth said, "I'd be crazy if I went to SC."

I couldn't stand that room. Yes, I had been in it once, because I threw such a huge tantrum that my nurse couldn't control me. She put me in there without the straightjacket and left me in there for god-knows how many hours.

It was pure hell. And that's sugar coating it.

Memories flooded in. The good, the bad – everything. I was hysterical when they finally let me out. I spent the better part of the week to myself, never saying a word.

My mind went in circles at the table, almost feeling as if I was back at the first day of school, first seeing the Cullen's. My eyes set on the most beautiful one there. Edward.

For once, my heart lurched in excitement instead of agony.

It was these memories that kept me going, that kept me living.

But, even they were growing scarce.

I inwardly chuckled. Kelly was right all those years ago.

I wanted to die, to leave it all. The pain, the heart ache. I was the Juliet, but Romeo had run away, not from banishment, but because he no longer found Juliet appealing, he didn't need her, he didn't want her. I didn't want to suffer. I had no reason to exist after Edward had left. Even Renee and Charlie. They hadn't seen me in almost eight months. I'd probably make theirlives a lot better if I did die.

But, I feared death.

People joke about where their going after they die. People say that they are going to paradise. Other already damn themselves with hell. But I didn't know. I wanted to say there was something, but I was scared. What if it was all darkness? Like the room Butch was in? Would every memory that I hated come to me? Or would all the good?

I need to feel safe, needed. That someone needed me. That there was actually a purpose in my life.

I had been here one year without that feeling of security and I would not go another year without it.

I promised myself that, then and there.

I felt a hand nudge my shoulder. "Hey, Bella. Do you want seconds?" I looked to see Beth looking at me.

"No thank you." I replied.

I heard her say that she was going to get more. I heard a guard walk up near her and escort her to the line.

This was my chance.

I saw it this way: I'd give myself one week. That would be enough to decide.

I'd give my till my nineteenth birthday, exactly one week from today.

"Hey, Kelly," I spoke up, looking at Kelly. She looked at me with a puzzled look on her face.

"Yeah," She said, "You need something?"

"Yeah, I think I need your help"

A/N: Well, that's it for now. I've got to take some antibiotics and see the doctor tomorrow.

FoF


	5. Bitter Realizations E PoV

A/N: Ok, I thought I should post this before I go to the doctors. To put this into perspective, this is one week later since Bella's resolution... in Edward's PoV. Next chapter will be in Bella's PoV and then a quick change to Edward before I try and figure out a good way to end this story. xD

Thank you all who have been reviewing my stories. Honestly, I check my computer at least 10x a day for reviews.

So... Enjoy!

* * *

One year…

One year since her birthday.

One year since I made that resolution that she was better off without me and left everything that made my life worth wild.

I can't believe it has been one year.

In all honesty, it feels like it's been forever since I've seen her.

My family prepared for this day and planned an all day hunting trip for Jasper. He's been hurting ever since I came back. All because I came home and brought my misery with me.

Perhaps I should run again.

Maybe somewhere in Africa. Nah. Too sunny. Antarctica. Yeah, that could work.

_Nice try, Edward. Emmett would just track you. Although it would be easier now that I see your plans._

Damn, Alice. I forgot she was still here.

She had told the family that she had recently hunted, with proof to back it up. Jasper had asked her to come to and she nearly caved. Then I heard her whisper to him that she was just staying to make sure I was ok.

She was annoying…

I tried to diver my attention and moved from my small corner. I felt weird. I hadn't moved in a few days, so I brushed it off quickly. I walked slowly over to my couch and for a split second, I could see myself sitting there, holding Bella in my arms. I shook my head. Great. I was delusional. Just another thing to add to my list.

But my mind wasn't done tormenting me. I watch with silent eyes as my mind gave me a memory relapse. I watched as Bella first walked in my room, noticing how normal it was. That I wasn't just a Hollywood version immortal. That I actually had interests. That I wasn't just a killer.

I had wonder what was going on in her head at that moment.

Then she had asked me a normal question. About my CD's. I answered the truth, which was getting easier. I wanted her to know my secrets. I want her to know everything about me! I wanted to know everything about her! I want to know everything, from the biggest thing in her life to the small little intricate detail.

I love her that much.

And yet…

A choked sob escaped my throat.

I had let her believe the biggest lie in my existence. That I didn't love her.

After I had a great enough distance that I knew she wouldn't catch me, I fell on my knees. How could she? How could she have she believed that hideous blaspheme? Hadn't I told her many times that I loved her?! Didn't I prove my love!?

Was this how Romeo felt when he was separated by the law from Juliet? This anguish?

But, maybe, did he ever think this was for the better? That, with Paris, she would have a better life?

I sat down on my couch, and placed my head in my hands. Was it possible to get a headache?

Suddenly, someone knocked on my door.

"Go away." I said, sighing. "I don't need anything."

I knew she would, but I had hoped Alice would have left me alone. She came quietly in, being very quiet, even for a vampire. "Yes, you do, Edward." _You need to go back._

I growled, "No."

"But why," She yelled, sounding exasperated, "You need to! Look at yourself, Edward. You're falling apart. We all love you Edward and see you like this… it's killing us!"

I moved my head up from my hands. Alice was staring me down, her arms crossed over her chest in anger. "This was never about me, Alice. You know that." I said, keeping my voice as calm as possible. "It was about what was best for her."

"What was best for her…" Alice said, mimicking my voice. "Well, for your sake, she'd better. If she isn't, I'll hurt you.

I nodded and sighed, placing my head back in my hand and closing my eyes. Instantly, I saw my Bella, her beautiful vibrant brown eyes, her full brown hair, and her lips, her sweat lips.

The vision was distorted when I felt a hand on my shoulder. "We all can't take this, Edward. Esme's tearing herself up because she wants to help so badly. Jasper feels badly. He's been trying to help, but this depression is killing him too. And I hate seeing my brother keeping himself away from the woman he loves. You don't have to play God, Edward, trying to help her. You just have to be there for her. Be her."

I remained silent for a second before twisting my head up, "Did you prepare this speech or is this of the top of your head?"

She forced a chuckle, "I couldn't believe you didn't hear what I was up to."

I sighed and watched as the sun finished rising in the sky. I watched as Alice stood up and walked toward the door. She stopped at the door frame. "Please, Edward. Reconsider. Just go back and see. That's all I ask. She if she's alright."

"Why don't you look?" I retorted, hearing the life die in my voice.

She stood at the doorway before saying, "You asked me not to keep tabs on her. So I won't. You need to go. You need to see for yourself. And not through a vision." And with that, she shut the door behind her and walked off.

I sat there, staring at the morning sky. Should I go? Would it give me closure? Or would it tear me apart inside like my memories do?

It was less than a second before Alice came running in my room. "We need to leave NOW!!" She screamed.

I was up in less then a second. Was she just trying to get me out of the house?

And then her thought froze my dead heart even more.

_Bella's dying!!_

And I saw her vision:

Bella was lying somewhere – I couldn't really tell, it was completely dark – and her breathing was extremely labored. She was clothed in a white hospital robe and her skin was pale white. Her hands were shaking.

_No!!_

I snapped myself into reality. Alice was already moving about. I followed suit, reaching for my phone when Alice beat me to it.

"You get ready. NOW!!" She yelled as she put the phone

I didn't know what to do. My mind was in panic. What was wrong with her? Was she sick? Why was no one near her?

Why the hell was she dying?!

"Alice," I asked, "How much time do we have?" Would we even make it?

She closed her eyes for the quickest second before answering, "We have to at least midnight tonight. We needed to leave an hour ago."

I nodded and hurried to the car. As soon as I pulled it to the front of the house, Alice came out. "I left a note. I'm coming with you."

"Alice –"

"No," She hissed as she shut the car door. "I'm coming. I want to see what happened. Why she's like this."

I didn't saying anything as we reached the main road. My only concern was that we were going to make it. We had to make it.

Or my life would cease to me anything to me.

_Bella. Hold on…_

A/N: Well, that's pretty much all for now. See ya!

FoF


	6. The Final Sleep

A/N: Well, hello all. And how are we today? xD

Thank you everyone so far that has read my story. You all rock.

Oh! And I just had someone PM me and ask (( Ok, My friend asked me)) : Where are the Cullen's at right now? Global Wise.

Answer: They're in Ireland.

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Sometimes, all you want is to run away, while sometimes, you just want to say where you are and be alone.

I wanted the second.

I was currently outside, supposedly enjoying the sunlight in a pair of jeans and a pink tang top. But inside I was shaking.

I wanted to stay indoors…

Because I had run out of time. I was now officially 19.

And forever I would stay.

That breakfast a week ago, I had asked Kelly if she could give me some of her meds. If it were not for the fact that we were in an enclosed setting with guards twenty feet away from us, I think she would have stood up and yelled at me. All she did was stare at me with a wide mouth. A few seconds later and she whispered, "Why?" I didn't give her much of a reason, just told her that I didn't feel needed anymore.

"Alright," She finally said as she watched Beth walk back, "I'll do it. Just promise me you'll try to find a reason to go on."

I agreed, half heartily. I really had tried. I had been trying. So, it didn't seem to me that there would be any reason to continue.

The rest of the week went on as my resolution grew stronger. I knew it, the end was coming.

And now, here it was. Noon, on my birthday. Just another day in the world.

All of a sudden, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see Kelly, holding a colorful box with a ribbon and an envelope on top.

"Happy Birthday." She whispered, giving me a small smile. It sounded forced. But what confused me was how in the world did she get a wrapped present in here?

She noticed my confusion and said, "I had a visitor- my brother, Kevin- come a week ago and I asked them to get me something for you. I made the card myself. Then, my brother came back yesterday, bringing your present and this beautiful wrapping paper. Of course they had to search it, but it's still good." She sat down next to me and handed me the card.

She had drawn a little angel holding a little light. I opened it and read it aloud:

"To the little light that holds so much. Hope you have a happy birthday! Love, Kelly."

I smiled, "Thanks, Kelly."

She held out the present and I took it, whispering thank you once again and I opened it.

It was a shoe box.

"I wanted you to have a good memory." She giggled, "All we have to do is find Dr. McKinley."

I giggled and lifted the box. Inside was a nice new pair of shoes. They were blue, with a small mark above the heel. I believe it was Nike, but I wasn't sure.

"Hope you like it." Kelly said, giving me a hug. The guard was instantly near us and escorted me away.

As I looked back, I could have sworn I saw tears in Kelly's eyes.

* * *

"Ok, well, that's everything." Susan said, making a final check around the room.

I smiled, looking out toward the half moon, "Yep, I guess that is."

She turned back toward me. "That moon is pretty tonight." She said, "But it would be better if those clouds weren't in the way."

I nodded, then coughed, "Um, Susan, could I have a water bottle?"

She smiled and nodded, "Sure. I have to give you a small one though. Is that alright? Cause I'll have to stay in here if you want a big one."

I shook my head, "No, no. A small one is fine. My throat feels a little dry."

She nodded then left the room. I sighed and looked around my room for the last time. I had my card right to the bed, already having solved Kelly's riddle. My present was by the side of the bed.

I looked at the moon above one last time. I wonder wherever I end up, if I'll still see the moon?

Then, the unexpected happened. (A/N: No. Not Edward… yet. xD)

A shooting star passed over the moon. It was only there for a second, but I closed my eyes and quickly made a wish.

It was childish, I know. But I wanted the comfort, I wanted my last thought, whether it was on drugs or not, to be of him.

"I wish for him to be happy. I wish that he will find someone that will make him happy for all of eternity."

I heard the door creak open and Susan walked in. "Here's your water."

I smiled and nodded, "Thanks." I took the small bottle from her and took a small sip. "Good night, Susan."

She smiled back at me before shutting off the lights, "Good night." Then she shut the door.

I whispered back, "Good night and Goodbye."

I lied down in bed for a few minutes while the nurses finished tucking everyone in bed. After I was sure that no one would come in, I leaned over the side of the bed and grabbed the shoes from the floor.

I reached inside both shoes before finding an opening in one of the soles of the shoes. It was a plastic bag, with six little pills inside.

Zoloft. Six days worth.

She had been screaming for six days, just to give this to me.

Tonight, she wouldn't be screaming. She would be sleeping.

Did I really want to do this? Did I want to take my life away?

I closed my eyes and opened my mouth, putting all six pills in my mouth.

I quickly reached over and opened the water, pouring it all down my mouth, taking the pills with it.

It was done.

By midnight tonight, Isabella Marie Swan would cease to exist.

As it should be…

I hid the plastic bag back in the shoes and set them back the way they were. I did the same with the water bottle .

As I lied in my bed, I did nothing but think of Edward. Even if my heart kept breaking, I would only want him in my thoughts as I died.

I remember all the good times. The time in Port Angelus went he saved me. When I first met his family. Must the most important memory I kept was that of the meadow, when he first showed me haw he sparkled.

Whoever he did choose to love would be lucky. They would forever hold a beautiful gem, a rare diamond.

After a while, I started feeling funny, hot even. My breathing quicken, and my palms were sweating. I knew this was the end. My hands started shaking out of control and my vision started getting blurry.

I kept my eyes on the moon, making myself stare at it until my eyes could no longer stay open.

So it didn't mean anything that the clouds covered the moon, just as I fell asleep.

My final sleep…

* * *

A/N: Well, I hope you enjoyed. And on a side note, as I've been dying to bring this up ((No pun intended)), who all liked _Breaking Dawn_ !? I know I did. And I loved the party!

I got a picture of Bella's truck!! xD

Yes, I'm bored...

FoF


	7. Plane Flights

A/N: Ok, you've told me to update, and I have heard your plea. Although, I just realized... this has been up less than a week!! xD

Enjoy!

* * *

My hands pierced the airplane's cloth arm rests

My hands pierced the airplane's cloth arm rests. This damn plane would not move fast enough! If only this damn jet knew how fast I had to be in Seattle, it would delay.

I need to get to Seattle. Now.

No. Not now. Yesterday.

I needed to be there yesterday.

_Edward, I know your tense, but don't take it out on the airplane. You're going to break the arm rest and then it will be even longer._

I forced myself to take deep breaths, ignoring the scent of human blood around me. I blocked out every thought, every thing that was trying to bombard me.

Just to tear myself up.

Why was she dying?! Wasn't she safe? Was it a seizure?! And who was watching her?!

I am lower than low. I am rock bottom minus fifty. I am pond scum.

I deserve to rot in hell. I need her to live. To be safe.

I took a quick look in Alice's head to see her checking in on people in Bella's life. Apparently, Charlie was going to be sleeping safe and sound.

_Wait. _

Alice focused on something she saw apparently in the room.

_Edward… Look. _

It was a letter addressed to Charlie. Nothing unusual. Until you looked at the return address.

Washington State Mental Ward.

My eyes widened.

She was in an asylum.

My rage flamed. Why the hell was she there?! She wasn't crazy! She was perfect. She was normal. She was beautiful… I felt my face scrunch up as I tried to figure out that horrendous thought.

I kept looking into Alice's mind. She was trying every one. Everyone from school, everyone she came into contact with.

Then she reached her mother. Renee.

I watched as Renee walked over to a picture of Bella, caressing the photo as if it were a precious jewel. A voice startled her.

"_Still thinking about her, aren't you?"_

It must have been Phil, her step dad.

I watched as Renee sat in an old style rocking chair, still holding the picture frame.

"_I can't help it. It's been so long since we've seen her. They won't even let Charlie see her. I haven't seen her since she was admitted. Charlie saw her eight months ago."_

My eyes widened. How long had she been in there?

Phil came up behind her and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"_I know. I miss that girl. Hard to believe it's been one year since she was admitted. But, it was for the better."_

Alice's thoughts screamed, _ONE YEAR!? And leaving her was for the better?!_

I barely registered her thought, my mind still stuck on the vision she was having.

"_But, Phil, I remember seeing them. People don't disappear into thin air. Maybe Dr. Gerandy was wrong about them going to LA."_

She was put in the asylum… because of us?

"_Honey, there is no proof of them being there. Maybe your mind was playing tricks on you. I know Charlie's isn't the best, either. But there is no way that there was ever a family with the last name of Cullens' in Forks."_

He pulled Renee into a hug…

"_It will be ok. We can only hope for the best."_

Alice's vision ended with her thought. _We erased our trail a little too well. _

I sat there, amazed and dumfounded. Why? was the only question that could come to my mind. I couldn't believe that this was happening. Why was she suffering? Why didn't anyone believe her? Everyone had damn seen us!

How had she been taken there? What had the doctor's given her?

And why wouldn't this infernal plane fly any faster?!

I never should have left. We never should have left. If I hadn't, Bella wouldn't be facing death. Everyone would realize she wasn't crazy, that she was sane. She wouldn't be suffering. She wouldn't be by herself, fending for herself in an unforgiving world.

I should have never brought her into my world.

I should have never done it! I should have left her alone! If I had never told her anything, she wouldn't be suffering. She would never have to fear anything. She would have never been exposed to our kind, to James. She would have never had to suffer, the agonizing pain of feeling our venom in her blood. She would never have been nearly killed by Jasper. She would never have to know fear by our kind.

I deserve to rot in the lowest pits of hell.

No, even Satan was kinder than I was.

I looked at Alice and whispered, "When will we arrive?"

She looked at me and said. "Lucky for us, our layover leaves right after our plane lands. We'll be early. Our plane leaves… even better, right across from us. There it's a three hour flight." She bit her lip and finished in her mind. _It doesn't look good, Edward. We need a miracle. That she lives past sunset. That, maybe, times zones are wrong in some places…_

I thought of that one thought constantly.

I leaned my head down in my hands, closing my eyes. I was an idiot, no worse than that. I selfishly left Bella and, like always, we cleaned our tracks. But, we didn't count on one thing.

We had never left a human piece of evidence.

A human that was the most precious thing in my world.

A human whose life was on the line…whose very existence meant my happiness.

Please, God, let her live. God, don't let such a beautiful, humble, selfless creature like her die.

Please, don't let her die.

I need her… I need her…

The attendant's voice rang over the plane. _Please fasten your seat belts. We're beginning our decent. _

My head snapped up.

Bella, hold on…

As soon as we were connected, I left the seat, moving as fast as I humanly could with Alice following right behind me. We barely stepped foot in the terminal before we were in the next plane, sitting in the first class seats Alice had reserved.

Nine hours down… Three to go…

I looked at my watch…

It was eleven o'clock.

We get in Seattle at eleven due to time zone. We had left then an hour before Bella would be dead.

My body shivered.

Luckily, this plane was a small jet. So as we started off the ground, I felt a little sense of relief in the concept of a smaller plane obtains a faster speed.

This time, I leaned back in my chair and thought of what I would do back home. If Bella was ok, I'd get down on hands and knees and beg her for forgiveness. I would beg at her feet like a servant and beg her to forgive me. Then, I'd make it up to her. I'd prove to all her friends and family that she wasn't crazy, that I was real. Charlie might end up shooting me, but I would anything to she her forgive me.

Anything…

My hands tensed again. Bella…

_Edward, your hands again. _Alice reminded me.

I took a deep breath again. I felt a sense of Déjà vu wash over me.

I needed something to distract me.

I looked over to Alice. Apparently, she saw that Jasper had seen her note and was checking up on her. The pilot was happy, almost giddy. He was going to surprise his six year old daughter by coming home for her birthday. A couple was coming home from their honeymoon.

I groaned, leaning as forward in the seat as I could.

_Bella, hold on..._


	8. Moonlit Decisions E PoV

A/N: Enjoy! -Evil Smirk- (Edward's PoV)

* * *

_Please fasten your seat belts. We're beginning our decent. Enjoy your stay in Washington and thank you for flying American Airlines._

The only thing I could thank them for was actually being decently fast.

I looked over at Alice who was currently going through a vision. _So far, so good. We might actually make it, Edward… _I looked over at her_... But we'll be too late to do anything… All the signs point to overdose._

My eyes closed, my eyebrows furrowed. I couldn't believe it.

"Why?" I strained a whisper. Why would she be so foolish as to take herself away from us, from me?

The airport was taxied into the terminal and as soon as the airplane door was opened, Alice and I were out the door, running as fast as we could, as fast as a normal human could, toward the exit. As soon as we reached the outside, I spotted the fastest car we could, a Lexus, and immediately broke into it. Alice glided into the passenger seat as I revved up the car and sped away.

Alice pointed out where to turn, a left here, two rights here. I subconsciously followed her direction, until we saw a large one-story building at the edge of Seattle. The front of the building's lights were on, but the rest of the building seemed peaceful.

A disguise.

I drove past it, stopping in the forests next to it. I quickly jumped out and ran out, smelling the air for the scent of Lavender and Freesia.

Bella's scent was not hard to find. Near the back of the building.

With the tinge of Sertraline and death…

I hurried to the scent. Thank god that she was near a window. Heaven was actually helping me with my just cause.

To save this angel.

I hurried and pulled the bars from the window and opened the window, sliding in.

It took a moment to take in.

There she was, my angel, her breathing shallow. Her lips, once rosy red, were now light blue. Her skin was pale, and her hands were looking blue as well. I listened carefully for her heatbeat, a slow, faint pulse.

She was dying. Fast.

_Quick, bring her up. _I saw Alice at the small window and I lifted Bella up, from the bed. She was so thin. She had lost so much weight.

I placed her head through the window and, as soon as Alice had her, she was out. Free of the prison she'd been in for a year.

God, it might have as well been me to put her in that damn hell…

We ran out into the forests and I took her from Alice, sitting down and laying her head down gently in my lap. I caressed her cheek, her neck, her hair, looking at her helplessly.

"What do we do?" Did I come here just to see her die? There must be some way to help her… There has to be…

Alice's thoughts rang in my head.

_Change her…_

I snarled at her. "No, I can't."

She stared at me, cold and hard. "Are you sure about that, Edward? We caused this Edward, her being here. And you want to rectify it. You'll never be able to if Bella's lying three feet under and pushing up daisies. And what about us? We don't want to see you like you have been if you lose Bella for good." She gave a dark laugh, "And that was just being away from her. Imagine yourself when she's dead."

_I told Bella none of us wanted to look into your eyes in the next one hundred years if we lost her. Now, what will you do…?_

I looked down at Bella, her symptoms were getting worse. It was just how Alice had guessed before. Midnight.

Would she hate me? I know she wanted it, but did she still want me.

_Edward, you know what you need to do…_

I looked down at her one more time… before I made my decision…

The moon rose to its fullest height as I listened to her heart take off like a speeding cars.

Bella… I pray that this is what you want…


	9. Author's Note

A/N: Yeah, sorry I haven't updated. I have been thinking about how to continue this story and was goignto post this on Tuesday of last week. Unfortunally, my cable was fried and the next day, I went camping. I just arrived home and am hurring to post this.

I will hopefully have a chapter tomorrow, or even tonight if your lucky... and now, as it just hit my mind...

I NEED TO FIND A BETA READER!! Ahhhhh!!

So, kudos to bookishqua for helping me think of some ways of how to continue this story.

And hugs to all my reviewers. You help keep me obsessed with writing and keep me going even when I had no idea how to continue this story.

Love you all!

FriendofFoes


	10. The Transformation

A/N: Sorry. was being dumb.

* * *

I was in hell.

There was no doubt about it.

My heartbeat started racing, my skin felt as if it was restricting every attempt of thrashing. Every nerve was a live wire, just feeding into the pain. Every time I felt as if the pain would recede, it came back stronger…

I was in hell.

I wanted desperately to tell the other. _Don't follow me. I was wrong. This is hell._

I didn't dare open my eyes. I knew that if I truly was burning in hell, I couldn't bare seeing my skin being licked at by the flames.

But what was even worse… was that I was totally wrong…

Figures…

Here… no good memories followed me. Every painful moment I had ever had replayed as if I was standing right there. Every time I was hurt, mentally or physically, it was shown.

Even him…

Edward.

I watched as he told me he wasn't good for me. That he didn't want me. Then I watch as he left me there, with no trace of his presence.

I hated myself… I couldn't be what he needed…

Suddenly, I heard voices come from over me. Was I still able to hear the doctors as they found me? Or were angels saying how pathetic I was?

I felt my body, not of my own free will, and was wheeled out of the room. Was I destined to feel like this until I was three feet under?

I really didn't care, for at that moment the fire burned faster. I snapped and started screaming. If my skin wasn't charcoal by now, it would be soon.

I felt something cold on my head –by a miracle it was cold! – and heard someone mumbling. I was too busy screaming to understand anything.

The cold had never moved from my head. I was happy, relieved, elated that I was given some relief. I was even happier that they didn't move anytime I screamed.

Too soon, the hand moved and I screamed out even louder, the fire coming up and consuming my head. I cried out, desperately wanting the cool touch to come back. I'd do anything, anything, for it to come back. _Please…?_

I heard nothing, felt nothing. My skin still felt on fire, but it was nothing compare to how my heart felt. It felt as if someone had taken it out of my body and thrown it into the nearest volcano. I kept on screaming, praying for some relief.

I didn't now how long I stayed like that, just staying there, feeling as if I was touching nothing yet being consumed by everything. There was nothing to mark time. Silly, I know, but I wanted to know, how long had it been since I was thrown into that infernal hell.

That's when everything changed.

The fire came all to the very center of me, like the middle of me had not suffered enough. The fire kept up, getting stronger and stronger. I kept screaming, fully expecting my throat to start bleeding at some point. But it never happened. My eyes scrunched up as the fire kept getting hotter and hotter.

Then, as if it had never been there, the fire stopped.

My eyes flew open and my mouth flew open as a hunger settled itself in my throat.

But that could wait for a second…

What in the world was Alice doing here?!

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A/N: Ok, need your help guys... In your next review (If you review), tell me what power should Bella have? I am not good at choosing powers for her. xD

- FriendofFoes


	11. AHH! AN

To my lovely reviewers... (And handsome, if there are any men...)

I am sorry that I haven't been updating. Some things have come up in my life that have drawn me away from my computer. Yes, it is things like school. I am currently taking seven classes... not to menchion (Sp?) honors and online classes... I also have another family issue, as there has been another birth in my family and my uncle is very dear to me. Other then that, my health has not been the best as I have just caught a cold and have learned that my finger will never return to its once perfect state. (Note of advice: Never guard anything that has you standing between an wanted object and deadly rubber balls)

I will not go into it unless people want me to. K?

And now I will address my reviewers as my PM's are not WORKING!! (Evil face)

zinthafan: Thank you for offering. I have read her works before. I'll have to get back to you on that as I have nothing for you to start on. Sorry... (Sulks in corner)

Everyone who reviewed Ch 10: Thanks for your input guys! You're the best!! (Hugs)

Lastly, I do have two chapters written in a notebook, but this is the first time in **days **I have been on my computer. So please be patient as I try and get these typed up. I am honestly running twelve hours... in a day... Not something someone my age should be doing...

I have lost all hope of gaining a socal life...

See ya!

FoF


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